Monday, July 22, 2013

Review - "Shocks and C*cks 5" at the Horse Trade Burlesque Blitz

I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to see more of Horse Trade's Burlesque Blitz this year, but if I only had time to see one show, I'm happy it was the self-described "sausage fest" of "Shocks and Cocks 5."  As usual, impresario of all things ecdysiastical Jonny Porkpie has gathered a unique and talented group of boylesque artists to ply their trade (and lose their clothes), in this annual event.

Although sparsely attended (the show was at 1 AM), the enthusiastic audience loudly enjoyed the show.

After treating the audience to a clever rap about his lack of endowment, Porkpie introduced the acts.  Shocks and Cocks regular Hard Cory kicked things off with a strip to "Ain't No Sunshine."  It ended with a trick involving a bottle of beer.  I'll leave it at that.

Brooklyn Irons, the man with the dance moves and the tree trunk legs, did his own fascinatingly anatomical bottle trick in his act, this one involving a bottle of vodka and a shot glass.  I will most certainly leave it at that.

Creamed Stu was next as a sexy crossing guard (watch out, Molly Equality Dykeman, there's another performer out there who looks good in a reflective vest).  With an infectious grin and some fun dance moves, Stu seemed to be having the time of his life.

Coney Island performer Ray Valenz followed after a short break (more on that later) with his juggling act.  It's pretty exciting watching someone juggle knives.  It's more exciting when he's naked.  Those under the leg throws?  Excruciating to watch knowing that there is cold hard steel getting that close to... well, you know.  Valenz was a great addition to the show, with both a winning personality and great audience patter (not to mention a lithe figure that was easy on the eyes).

Boylesque stalwart Tigger! was next with the most elaborate performance of the evening.  Decked out as a French Beat poetess, Tigger! pouted, lip-synced and danced his way through an amazing strip, all to the thunderous snapping of the audience (it was meant to be a '60s Beat performance, you wouldn't want anything as vulgar as clapping, after all).

Jonny Porkpie rounded out the evening with a plumber-inspired strip (with a cringe-inducing use of pasties tape and a pipe) to Elvis' version of "Danny Boy."

The short break in the middle of the show that I mentioned was a contest.  A handsome audience member was called up on stage (he had been a little boisterous during the show... always dangerous at a Porkpie production).   He, in turn, got to choose two more people in the audience to join him (one of them was my plus one at the show, which amused me no end).  The contest was Shocks Or Cocks.  The contestants either had to shock the cast and audience (with a confession, trick or something similar) or, well, show their cock.

Given that one of the contestants was a woman, it was hardly a fair contest.

The boisterous boy, after some initial hemming and hawing, dropped his pants and showed the audience the goods.  Not to be outdone, the young lady followed suit with a somewhat more modest strip (perhaps she'll be in future Porkpie shows).  My friend chose the Shock option, grabbing the shorts of the boisterous boy and stripping him naked again.

Naturally, the boisterous boy won the contest (two cock shots beating a pair of boobs and a shock).  He walked away with a copy of Jonny Porkpie's burlesque mystery novel "The Corpse Wore Pasties."  If you're going to trade your dignity for something, a Porkpie book is not a bad choice.

Shocks and Cocks 5 was a fun show, delivering exactly what it promised.  I was especially happy to some of the burlesque artists from Matt Knife's monthly Homo Erectus show involved in this production (both Brooklyn Irons and Lewd Alfred Douglas, who was the evening's "stage kitten" and costume wrangler, are Homo Erectus regulars).

I can't believe I have to wait a full year to see the next one.


Want your own copy of "The Corpse Wore Pasties," but don't want to pull out your goodies in front of a theatre full of people?  You're in luck.  Click the links below.



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